why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
