I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
