I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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