do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A+ Viking dick
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