no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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