In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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