god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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