wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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