an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.