I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
two words...techno handjob
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
