Ketchup is God's man juice
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
