i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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