Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
