I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ladies don't puke and tell
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
