everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
