He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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