I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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