i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
