Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
