there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
