Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
