So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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