So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What a dumb baby whore.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
