You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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