I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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