I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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