Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
