Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
