when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
