I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
