I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
