so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
