Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
