Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize