obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize