you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
