i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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