I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
