you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
