Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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