I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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