Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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