My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
