maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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