I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
