her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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