I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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