the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Two words: nipple clamps
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