Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
