My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a hot homeless man
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
