Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
