I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
