i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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