these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
