While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
