Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
