Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
