I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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