I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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