wat bout pragnant strippers??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
