I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
