please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
