Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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