If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
