Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
