Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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