I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
