I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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