My nipple is on Facebook.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
