i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
