I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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